A lot of venting...

First, I have a kind of secret I've been hiding for most of the summer. For everyone, with the exception of Noah cause he knows some of it, Is that as the summer has progressed I have slowly fallen into an extremely mild case of anti-social behavior. No not the serial killer kind you learn about in AP Psych, but a family friend who kinda psycho analyzed me as a potential case for his masters project, because I have been avoiding people for a lot of this summer. And as my friends I feel that all of you have a right to know what's been happening with me. According to John (the family friend) I have fallen into a situation they see generally in first time college bound students. The attachment to family grows stronger as a result of the persons consistent estrangement from their friends. A lot of the summer I wasn't going places with you guys and I was spending a huge amount of time at home, mostly with my mom, as a sub-concious coping mechanism with preparing to leave for college. I would make up excuses of why I couldn't go, and while some of them were actual things i had to go do, some of them were just reasons I couldn't go. I feel awful that this has effecting so many of friendships with you guys, and it has been really hard on me being almost incapable of being around, not only you guys, but almost everyone in my life aside from my family. I know that my relationships with some of you have suffered because of it and I have been working really hard to move past this and get back to my normal life. Cause a side effect of this is being really averted to any kind of physical contact. I've hugged people cause of goodbyes, and things like that but every hug didn't come without some serious mental preparation. I have been getting better as the days progress and I hope to be back to normal very soon. 

Second, this is specifically for Laura, Emily and Kelli. I usually cannot befriend girls easily, I've been that way since I was really young, I just get along better with boys. But you girls I actually feel really comfortable around and thats something I haven't had in a long time. I really value the friendship we share, and I fear that I may have alienated myself by being to absent from summer activities. I see the kind of friendship the three of you share and I really want that. The last thing I want is to wedge myself in there now after not being around but this one part of me is really sad that I missed out on that when I could have been apart of it. I really hope I can stay in contact with all of you and eventually be able to fully participate in the wonderful thing the three of you share. I felt that if I just ignored it, then it would go away. But I know now that you can't try to change anything by assuming the others can read your mind. So I chose to tell you all of this. It was very hard for me to write this, but it's something I feel you guys really should know. Also know that I very much value the friendships I currently have with all of you, and I cannot wait to see you all at the HC game.