Disclaimer: this post is really sad, so if you're happy don't read this

My new address: 11699 Porter Valley Drive, Northridge, Ca, 91326

I know you probably confused now, but the last 48 hours have been the worst 48 hours of my life, and at this moment I am the happiest I have been since I left to move in. I am not really sure how to explain this in a way people will understand because it's not something that happens everyday. As of this moment, I am no longer a student at UofR. I un-enrolled and moved out this afternoon around 2 pm. I was absolutely miserable there, and I couldn't bear being there one second longer. I realized at about 11 pm last night that I had made a terrible mistake by leaving home and moving into these dorm and going to this school. I realized I simply was not prepared to leave home and live in an environment that I was unhappy in to begin with. My dorm was one of the two freshman dorms:East and Williams, I was in East. My dorm had the entire girls soccer team, the entire football team, and ALOT of the partying type. I was only there for 2 days and 1 night and I got invited to 4 different parties by the 4 sketchiest people I have ever seen in my life. Apparently, Redlands is a secret party school and even the adult mentors I met encouraged me to go to these all night parties, when I wanted nothing to do with them. Next, all of you already know that I spent most of my high school career battling really awful insomnia, and most of you should know that since the beginning of summer I have a very good handle on my sleeping, without the use of sleeping pills. However, to maintain this sleep pattern I need two things, to be pitch back and dead silent. Neither of which are ever attained while living in the freshman dorms, and that was said to me by my Residence Advisor. I was up all night tossing and turning and not getting one wink of sleep. It seemed my entire dorm spent the entire night talking in the common room that was right next to my door, or they decided to shower in the middle of the night in the bathroom across from my door. Yesterday i said I had an epiphany where I realized that I would be fine, but it seems that was only the calm before the storm, I called my mother at 12 absolutely beside myself and I realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Redlands was not what I wanted, especially if this continued. I talked to my RA, Leslie, and she said that the freshman dorm, unless its during mandatory study hours the week of finals, is never quiet and always has someone up doing something in the common rooms. I knew that if this continued I would quickly relapse into my insomnia and I can't risk that right now. I had my first meeting for my First year Seminar, and I almost fell asleep in it because I didn't sleep the night before. I hadn't eaten since the moment I stepped on campus because I always felt that I was going to throw up each time I tried to take a bite of something. I walked around the campus by myself, looking at the ground, on the verge of tears just wanting to get back to my room so I could cry. After sitting down and talking with my parents we all decided this was not the right path for me, and therefore took the steps necessary to take me back home, and here I am at home. I don't feel sick anymore, I don't want to cry anymore, I ate a full meal and took a short nap and I know that I made the right decision for me. I deferred my application and when I am ready to leave I will leave, but now is not that time. I am calling Moorpark tomorrow and will see if it is too late to enroll in classes, and if it is, I will wait until spring where I may go to Moorpark or try to enroll at Cal Lutheran because I can live at home and attend classes there. At first, I though I was taking a step backwards and that I would regret this decision, but I don't. I still have my goals, and I still want to teach english literature and I will, but I will take the path that is right for me. I just hope all of you understand why I had to make this decision and that this is what is making me happy and that this is what I need for me right now. I hope all of you have amazing experiences in the colleges of your choice and I hope none of you feel as unhappy on your campus and I did on mine. Thank you for reading this, but you are my best friends and I wanted you to know.